Dear Uncle TM,
Most of my life I have been wasting money. I think that it goes back to when I was a kid and when I would use more paper towels than I should my Dad would tell my Mom that I was a “Conspicuous Consumer”. I really didn’t know what that meant but from that time on I would spend everything that I had and more. Uncle TM it sent me down the road to ruin. Is there anything I can do or am I destined to become a permanent resident of the Poorest House?
Signed,
Buck
Dear Buck,
You are in luck! The new administration has sponsored a bill called The Wasted Money Recovery Act. All you have to do to get all that money back is to show that it really wasn’t your fault and how much you have washed down the drain plus interest. My legal experts tell me that your letter will suffice as sufficient evidence that you wanted to be a responsible citizen but that your Dad was really to blame for your overzealous spending. I am also told that it is recognized that many people have a difficult time with recovery. For that reason, if you fall off the wagon and waste your new found wealth, you can reapply for a new stimulus.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT HAIR
Dear Uncle TM,
I really think that someone is breaking into my house and using my hair brush. Every morning when I open the drawer to get it out to brush my hair after I shower there is a bunch of grey hair in it. I know that my wife isn’t using it because she has put that color stuff on her hair for years and years and years. Uncle TM do you think I should set up one of those security cameras so I can find out who would sink so low to break into a house and use another man’s hair brush?
Signed,
Hair of the Dog
Dear Hair of the Dog,
I understand your fear but I think you should look more kindly upon that unfortunate soul who can’t afford a brush of his own. First you need to tell your wife about the burglaries and then tell her that you feel that the right thing to do would be to put a dollar bill underneath your brush each morning. I think that not only will you find the dollar bill gone the next time you brush your hair, you will feel good about helping out someone in need.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I really think that someone is breaking into my house and using my hair brush. Every morning when I open the drawer to get it out to brush my hair after I shower there is a bunch of grey hair in it. I know that my wife isn’t using it because she has put that color stuff on her hair for years and years and years. Uncle TM do you think I should set up one of those security cameras so I can find out who would sink so low to break into a house and use another man’s hair brush?
Signed,
Hair of the Dog
Dear Hair of the Dog,
I understand your fear but I think you should look more kindly upon that unfortunate soul who can’t afford a brush of his own. First you need to tell your wife about the burglaries and then tell her that you feel that the right thing to do would be to put a dollar bill underneath your brush each morning. I think that not only will you find the dollar bill gone the next time you brush your hair, you will feel good about helping out someone in need.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT NOSES
Dear Uncle TM,
I don’t know about you but sometimes when I am out in public I have an overwhelming need to pick my nose. Anyway after a lot of thought I have come up with a really nifty tool that I am going to call Herb’s Nose Pick. You can use this device when you are out with people or if you want to it works just fine at home. You can clip it to your shirt pocket or the ladies could carry it in their purse. The only problem Uncle TM is that I can’t seem to come up with a slogan, something that will catch people’s attention. Can you help me on this?
Signed,
Herb
Dear Herb,
How about, “Got Snot”?
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I don’t know about you but sometimes when I am out in public I have an overwhelming need to pick my nose. Anyway after a lot of thought I have come up with a really nifty tool that I am going to call Herb’s Nose Pick. You can use this device when you are out with people or if you want to it works just fine at home. You can clip it to your shirt pocket or the ladies could carry it in their purse. The only problem Uncle TM is that I can’t seem to come up with a slogan, something that will catch people’s attention. Can you help me on this?
Signed,
Herb
Dear Herb,
How about, “Got Snot”?
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
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