Dear Uncle TM,
I know it is going to be hard for you to understand what I have been going through but I am still going to try. For years I have been trying to loose some weight and it seemed that every diet I tried didn’t work. In fact on some of them I would put on a few more pounds. Finally I found one that worked and even though it took me over a year to get down to a pretty good looking size I am now faced with an even heavier problem. My husband wants to get a family portrait taken and then he wants to send it to every relative that he can think of. While that might seem okay to just about anyone else you have to understand Uncle TM that my relatives are probably the most critical people in the world and they have never given me any rest when it comes to my weight. So even though I have lost all this weight I heard the other day that the camera will add a whopping fifteen pounds and I just know that their tongues won’t stop wagging. Is there any hope for me?
Signed,
Almost Just Right
Dear Almost Just,
The camera will only add ten pounds.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
A LETTER ABOUT LYING
Dear Uncle TM,
I know that this may seem a little silly to you but this is something that has been bothering me for awhile. Every so often I hear people saying that someone is lying through their teeth. I can understand that you can pick up on the fact that someone is lying but, what if they don’t have any teeth anymore? The reason that I ask this is because of my Uncle Febus. Uncle Febus could never finish a sentence without stretching the truth. Everyone in the family was always saying that you shouldn’t take anything that he said as fact because he was always lying through his teeth. Well a few years ago he had all of his teeth pulled and since he lied to the dentist about paying him he never got any false teeth. Uncle TM as it turns out even though Uncle Febus lost his teeth it didn’t change him. He is still that lying no good that he always was but the problem is that everybody is still saying that he lies through something that is not even there. Should this be bothering me?
Signed,
Always Floss
Dear Always Floss,
It sounds like the whole family exaggerates.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I know that this may seem a little silly to you but this is something that has been bothering me for awhile. Every so often I hear people saying that someone is lying through their teeth. I can understand that you can pick up on the fact that someone is lying but, what if they don’t have any teeth anymore? The reason that I ask this is because of my Uncle Febus. Uncle Febus could never finish a sentence without stretching the truth. Everyone in the family was always saying that you shouldn’t take anything that he said as fact because he was always lying through his teeth. Well a few years ago he had all of his teeth pulled and since he lied to the dentist about paying him he never got any false teeth. Uncle TM as it turns out even though Uncle Febus lost his teeth it didn’t change him. He is still that lying no good that he always was but the problem is that everybody is still saying that he lies through something that is not even there. Should this be bothering me?
Signed,
Always Floss
Dear Always Floss,
It sounds like the whole family exaggerates.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Thursday, September 9, 2010
A LETTER ABOUT THE FUTURE
Dear Uncle TM,
I don’t know if I should be happy or sad. Ever since I was a little boy I have wondered how I was going to turn out in life. I know that is a really hard question for a teenager to get an answer to but I became obsessed with wanting to know. Finally, in desperation and I think to get me to shut up my parents enrolled me in a private school. My first days at Nostradamus High School were okay but they seemed to have an air about them like they knew how you were going to turn out but they wouldn’t tell you for some reason or the other. When I couldn’t take it anymore I broke into the Principal’s office and pulled out my file. Just as I started reading it the police came into the office and arrested me. Now I am in reform school and all I can remember from the file was that it said that I would end up in the slammer at an early age. Needless to say, the police came in and arrested me before I could read the second sentence. Uncle TM I don’t know who to turn to. Do you have any insight about my future?
Signed,
In The Jail House Now
Dear Jail House Now,
Yes, I do. I have examined writings from all over the world in an effort to find an answer for you. Fortunately among the documents I looked at I found something that I believe directly relates to you. From some early Mayan writings I can tell that something interesting will happen to you in 2012. Thanks for writing and keep some bird seed on your window sill.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I don’t know if I should be happy or sad. Ever since I was a little boy I have wondered how I was going to turn out in life. I know that is a really hard question for a teenager to get an answer to but I became obsessed with wanting to know. Finally, in desperation and I think to get me to shut up my parents enrolled me in a private school. My first days at Nostradamus High School were okay but they seemed to have an air about them like they knew how you were going to turn out but they wouldn’t tell you for some reason or the other. When I couldn’t take it anymore I broke into the Principal’s office and pulled out my file. Just as I started reading it the police came into the office and arrested me. Now I am in reform school and all I can remember from the file was that it said that I would end up in the slammer at an early age. Needless to say, the police came in and arrested me before I could read the second sentence. Uncle TM I don’t know who to turn to. Do you have any insight about my future?
Signed,
In The Jail House Now
Dear Jail House Now,
Yes, I do. I have examined writings from all over the world in an effort to find an answer for you. Fortunately among the documents I looked at I found something that I believe directly relates to you. From some early Mayan writings I can tell that something interesting will happen to you in 2012. Thanks for writing and keep some bird seed on your window sill.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Monday, September 6, 2010
A LETTER ABOUT BOXES
Dear Uncle TM,
I have never been a real aggressive person. In fact I kind of sit in the background and pretty much go with the flow of things. Frankly, I don’t think, other than writing you, that I have ever thought outside the box. I have never ventured into any situation that I didn’t know exactly what the result was going to be. Uncle TM, I am sick of myself. I am tired of knowing just how many squirts of toothpaste are in each tube, what will happen if you stick your tongue into an electrical outlet or that if you step on a crack you will break your mother’s back. I’m desperate, how can I get out of this box before I go over the edge? Of course, if you don’t think it is a good idea I will stay right here.
Signed,
Wanting To Get Out
Dear Wanting To,
Contrary to some historical accounts, The Boxer Rebellion was not a political uprising in China between 1898 and 1901. The Boxer Rebellion is a repetitive revolt that is made up from a group of people like you who had thought inside the box all of their lives and had been led to believe that this was the only way to have a happy existence. The oppressors in this situation were actually people who thought outside the box but sincerely believed that without people in the box their lives would become the norm and consequently they would be in a new box and thinking like everyone else. As it turns out, they were right and each time enough people revolted and got out of the box a new box was formed around them and they became very uncool. So my advice to you is to stay in the box and just wait for enough people to jump out. Then by default you win!
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I have never been a real aggressive person. In fact I kind of sit in the background and pretty much go with the flow of things. Frankly, I don’t think, other than writing you, that I have ever thought outside the box. I have never ventured into any situation that I didn’t know exactly what the result was going to be. Uncle TM, I am sick of myself. I am tired of knowing just how many squirts of toothpaste are in each tube, what will happen if you stick your tongue into an electrical outlet or that if you step on a crack you will break your mother’s back. I’m desperate, how can I get out of this box before I go over the edge? Of course, if you don’t think it is a good idea I will stay right here.
Signed,
Wanting To Get Out
Dear Wanting To,
Contrary to some historical accounts, The Boxer Rebellion was not a political uprising in China between 1898 and 1901. The Boxer Rebellion is a repetitive revolt that is made up from a group of people like you who had thought inside the box all of their lives and had been led to believe that this was the only way to have a happy existence. The oppressors in this situation were actually people who thought outside the box but sincerely believed that without people in the box their lives would become the norm and consequently they would be in a new box and thinking like everyone else. As it turns out, they were right and each time enough people revolted and got out of the box a new box was formed around them and they became very uncool. So my advice to you is to stay in the box and just wait for enough people to jump out. Then by default you win!
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)