Dear Uncle TM,
I am getting really frustrated. All of my life my relatives have been telling me that if I had half a brain cell I would be able to figure things out. Now that I have come into some money since Aunt Harriet passed on I was thinking that if I could find one then I would be able to keep up with what is going on. Uncle TM I have been to just about every store in town asking them in a nice way if they had half a brain cell and for some reason they have thrown me out of just about every one of them. Is there anything that I can do?
Signed,
Hopeful Hannah
Dear Hopeful Hannah,
Obviously most of the sales clerks in your town do not know of the sophisticated research that had been done in the splitting of brain cells. While they are still working on it, there is still hope that in a short time through the use of brain accelerators they will be able isolate the cells and then, in turn, split them. Billions and billions of dollars have been spent on the project with the assistance of the Brain Stimulus Bill signed into law earlier this year. Since Congress has reserved the first 535 half cells I do suggest that you write your congressman and ask him to reserve one from the second batch for you.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
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