Dear Uncle TM,
I am so tired of being such a loser. I just can’t seem to get any respect from my family and every time I open my mouth and try to make some kind of prophetic remark, they all laugh and seem to know that it is going to turn out the other way. Even with elections, it seems that when I select a candidate who is way ahead in the polls and I open my mouth saying that I think that he will win, you can almost bet that his future is doomed. Uncle TM how can I be a winner and get the respect of at least some of the members of my family?
Signed,
Down in the Dumps
Dear Down in the Dumps,
I am going to reveal to you a secret that I have used time and time again with the greatest of success. The only requirement is that you keep this strictly between the two of us. Okay?
The next time there is an election I want you to pick a contest. It doesn’t matter which one that it is but I want you to completely keep your mouth shut about it. Walk away from any conversation concerning it. Now about one week before the election I want you to send yourself two letters from two different post offices. In one of the letters I want you to say something like, “I predict that Candidate A will win the election”. In the other letter make the same prediction about Candidate B. Then on election night after the results have been announced pull out the letter that shows you to be the most politically astute guy on the block. This technique has worked well for me in every election except the one with Truman and Dewey.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
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