Dear Uncle TM.
I have this really big, tremendous, and huge problem. I make every short story really, really long. The other day I simply went to the convenience store down the street to buy a soft drink. You know the one that is at the end of the block that has that big blue sign that says 3 soft drinks for a dollar. Since I only wanted one they had to do some arithmetic to figure out how much I owed them. The trip only took me ten minutes but when I got home and tried to tell my husband about the trip it took me a good thirty minutes to tell him about it. I just couldn’t stop. I would add all sorts of side notes that when I look back really didn’t matter but they seemed important at the time. Like the lady who was behind the counter. I know that she had just gotten her hair done and I bet it was at that little shop over in the snob nose section of town. I really can’t see why she would go there considering that she didn’t have the sense of common decency not to wear white shoes after Labor Day. My grandmother was very fickle about that. In fact she would have my grandfather put all of her white items in the safe upstairs so that she could not get to them and run the risk of Myrtle Upshaw. That women could talk your leg off but she knew what was right in the fashion world even though we lived in the this really small town that only had one road in and one road out. Oh no, I am doing it again, Uncle TM is there anything that I can do to end this madness?
Signed,
Loose Lips
Dear Loose Lips,
Rather than look at your tendency to make that which is short long, look at it as an asset. Every two years there are a multitude of job openings at almost every level of government. Those with the greatest ability to keep the audience awake for the longest period of time while saying the least usually win the job. In fact all you really need to do is to get one good short story, make is really long and repeat it over and over until the election (job selection) day. Of course I know that you are wondering what in the world you will do when the election is over and you take office. Simple, do the same thing that got you elected!
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice at TMSharp@gmail.com or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. Light and humorous, the book will show you that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
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