Dear Uncle TM,
Early this morning I woke up in a cold, cold sweat. I had just had a terrible dream about a movie that was called, “Czarzilla”. It was about an appointed government official who had gone mad and was marching through Washington and covering all the buildings with zillions and zillions of dollars. Bureaucrats were dropping like flies because with all the money thrown on top of them they just couldn’t breathe or take off work right at 5 o’clock. Just before I woke up Uncle TM, the printing office at the Treasury Department had just caught on fire because of overheated printing presses. Wow, I hope I never have another one like that one.
Signed,
Teetotaler
Dear Teetotaler,
You have nothing to fear. You simply fell asleep while watching the news.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT MUTE CONTROL BUTTONS
Dear Uncle TM,
I just don’t know how it happened and I am really afraid to admit this to my wife but the other night we were watching TV and I guess I was rambling on and on about something. Without any warning she picked up the remote control, pointed it at me and pressed the mute button. Uncle TM I don’t know what came over me but I couldn’t get another word to come out of my mouth. So I just sat there in complete silence until she left the room. After she was gone I retrieved the remote and as an experiment when she came back in the room I secretly pointed it at her and pushed the mute button but nothing happened. What is going on?
Signed,
Silent Papa
Dear Silent Papa,
You have been a victim of an international secret women’s conspiracy designed to silence all men and take over the decision making process that has kept our world with absolute peace and security for centuries. I believe that she purchased the controller thru the mail. It is being sold under the code name MM which stands for Male Muter. Get that device of destruction and division out of your house and just hope she didn’t take advantage of their clever buy one get one free offer.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I just don’t know how it happened and I am really afraid to admit this to my wife but the other night we were watching TV and I guess I was rambling on and on about something. Without any warning she picked up the remote control, pointed it at me and pressed the mute button. Uncle TM I don’t know what came over me but I couldn’t get another word to come out of my mouth. So I just sat there in complete silence until she left the room. After she was gone I retrieved the remote and as an experiment when she came back in the room I secretly pointed it at her and pushed the mute button but nothing happened. What is going on?
Signed,
Silent Papa
Dear Silent Papa,
You have been a victim of an international secret women’s conspiracy designed to silence all men and take over the decision making process that has kept our world with absolute peace and security for centuries. I believe that she purchased the controller thru the mail. It is being sold under the code name MM which stands for Male Muter. Get that device of destruction and division out of your house and just hope she didn’t take advantage of their clever buy one get one free offer.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Friday, September 18, 2009
A LETTER FROM A BUS DRIVER
Dear Uncle TM,
I am a tour bus driver in Washington, D.C. I have been doing this for years and I really enjoy my job especially when I watch the reactions of people when I drive by the Capital Building, the Monuments and the White House. The problem is that over the past few months I have been having what must be visions or I am loosing my mind. I see these guys dressed in black suits and wearing sunglasses run up to the side of my bus. It looks like they are carrying a body. Then as I see them running away I hear a thump, thump but when I look into my rear view mirror there is nothing there. I guess what ever they had disappeared into thin air or this is all in my head. Uncle TM have I gone over the edge?
Signed,
Driver
Dear Driver,
No you haven’t gone over the edge. Being in Washington you have had the opportunity to literally watch our government at work and as a concerned citizen you should volunteer to put in a few extra hours driving your bus around so that a few more embarrassments can be eliminated.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I am a tour bus driver in Washington, D.C. I have been doing this for years and I really enjoy my job especially when I watch the reactions of people when I drive by the Capital Building, the Monuments and the White House. The problem is that over the past few months I have been having what must be visions or I am loosing my mind. I see these guys dressed in black suits and wearing sunglasses run up to the side of my bus. It looks like they are carrying a body. Then as I see them running away I hear a thump, thump but when I look into my rear view mirror there is nothing there. I guess what ever they had disappeared into thin air or this is all in my head. Uncle TM have I gone over the edge?
Signed,
Driver
Dear Driver,
No you haven’t gone over the edge. Being in Washington you have had the opportunity to literally watch our government at work and as a concerned citizen you should volunteer to put in a few extra hours driving your bus around so that a few more embarrassments can be eliminated.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT DUCKS
Dear Uncle TM,
Let me say from the very beginning of this letter, I Love Ducks. I think they are the most beautiful creatures on earth. They can walk, talk, swim and fly. They have been about the best spokesman for any company around. They motivate people to fly south when it gets really cold. If you are wondering about where I am going with this I will tell you now. About every other day I hear my mother saying that Aunt Blanche is an odd duck. First, I don’t believe that there are any odd ducks and second, Aunt Blanche is about the scariest person you will ever see and Uncle TM to compare her to my fine feathered friends is an insult to their good name. What can I do to solve this problem?
Signed,
Quack Lover
Dear Quack,
I don’t know how I can thank you. My Uncle Donald Drake has always talked about a little sister that was lost in a terrible snow storm many years ago. We just assumed that he was talking through those strong spirits he has consumed for decades. However, with the assistance of our local police missing persons department and their ability to determine matching similarities between siblings it has been determined that your Aunt Blanche is actually Daisy Drake the long lost sister. I will be waddling over to tell the Drakes the good news as soon as I put my quill down.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Let me say from the very beginning of this letter, I Love Ducks. I think they are the most beautiful creatures on earth. They can walk, talk, swim and fly. They have been about the best spokesman for any company around. They motivate people to fly south when it gets really cold. If you are wondering about where I am going with this I will tell you now. About every other day I hear my mother saying that Aunt Blanche is an odd duck. First, I don’t believe that there are any odd ducks and second, Aunt Blanche is about the scariest person you will ever see and Uncle TM to compare her to my fine feathered friends is an insult to their good name. What can I do to solve this problem?
Signed,
Quack Lover
Dear Quack,
I don’t know how I can thank you. My Uncle Donald Drake has always talked about a little sister that was lost in a terrible snow storm many years ago. We just assumed that he was talking through those strong spirits he has consumed for decades. However, with the assistance of our local police missing persons department and their ability to determine matching similarities between siblings it has been determined that your Aunt Blanche is actually Daisy Drake the long lost sister. I will be waddling over to tell the Drakes the good news as soon as I put my quill down.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT BUYING FURNITURE
Dear Uncle TM,
We have been trying to get some nice furniture for our house but with our limited funds we are only able to buy one thing at a time. Anyway I had put aside enough to make our next purchase so I went down to this new furniture store that had been advertising all over Television. After I walked in, what looked like a nice young man came up to me and asked how he could help me. Without a thought I told what I really wanted was one night stand. I know what I said but he apparently thought I meant something else because he almost immediately started hitting on me. Uncle TM being a married woman, I got so mad I walked out of the store and I don’t think I will ever go back.
Signed,
Miffed in Michigan
Dear Miffed,
You can’t be too careful in a furniture store. I have found that they are often filled with lazy boys just sitting on the floor waiting to take advantage of the next person with some money.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
We have been trying to get some nice furniture for our house but with our limited funds we are only able to buy one thing at a time. Anyway I had put aside enough to make our next purchase so I went down to this new furniture store that had been advertising all over Television. After I walked in, what looked like a nice young man came up to me and asked how he could help me. Without a thought I told what I really wanted was one night stand. I know what I said but he apparently thought I meant something else because he almost immediately started hitting on me. Uncle TM being a married woman, I got so mad I walked out of the store and I don’t think I will ever go back.
Signed,
Miffed in Michigan
Dear Miffed,
You can’t be too careful in a furniture store. I have found that they are often filled with lazy boys just sitting on the floor waiting to take advantage of the next person with some money.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Friday, September 11, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT MILK
Dear Uncle TM,
I don’t know if I have ever been more confused. I was watching this news program this morning and they had this dairy farmer guy on there talking about his business and all the long hours that he has to put in. Then he said something that nearly blew me away. Standing right there with the reporter he said that since he had been in the dairy business so long he had milk in his veins. Uncle TM I have seen red blood, heard of blue blood but for the life of me I have never heard of milk blood. Can you help me out on this?
Signed,
Wanting to know
Dear Wanting to know,
I guess you are not aware that every human being has his share of white blood cells. Now until I received your letter I didn’t have any idea where they came from. Of course what you have done is open a bag of worms because I have also heard of so many things that are in people’s blood that it really makes me wonder how we ever find the right matches for transfusions. Thanks a lot.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
I don’t know if I have ever been more confused. I was watching this news program this morning and they had this dairy farmer guy on there talking about his business and all the long hours that he has to put in. Then he said something that nearly blew me away. Standing right there with the reporter he said that since he had been in the dairy business so long he had milk in his veins. Uncle TM I have seen red blood, heard of blue blood but for the life of me I have never heard of milk blood. Can you help me out on this?
Signed,
Wanting to know
Dear Wanting to know,
I guess you are not aware that every human being has his share of white blood cells. Now until I received your letter I didn’t have any idea where they came from. Of course what you have done is open a bag of worms because I have also heard of so many things that are in people’s blood that it really makes me wonder how we ever find the right matches for transfusions. Thanks a lot.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
A LETTER ABOUT A STOMACH AND EYES
Dear Uncle TM,
For all my life I have thought that people were really going nuts when they would say that my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Well apparently I didn’t listen them because as the years went by my stomach just grew and grew. It got to the point that there weren’t enough X’s on the size chart. Well anyway I finally went to this heavy weight doctor and he did what they call a gastric bypass on me and now even though I am getting into my out of style clothes another big problem has come up. Uncle TM every time I look at the little balls of food that I eat all I can see are eyeballs staring at me and they are bigger than my stomach. Because of that I am having trouble eating anything. Is there anything that I can do?
Signed,
Winky
Dear Winky,
We are what we eat.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
For all my life I have thought that people were really going nuts when they would say that my eyes were bigger than my stomach. Well apparently I didn’t listen them because as the years went by my stomach just grew and grew. It got to the point that there weren’t enough X’s on the size chart. Well anyway I finally went to this heavy weight doctor and he did what they call a gastric bypass on me and now even though I am getting into my out of style clothes another big problem has come up. Uncle TM every time I look at the little balls of food that I eat all I can see are eyeballs staring at me and they are bigger than my stomach. Because of that I am having trouble eating anything. Is there anything that I can do?
Signed,
Winky
Dear Winky,
We are what we eat.
When it seems that your life is without hope and direction, you need to either write to Uncle TM for comprehensive and compassionate advice or check out his book, “Uncle TM’s Advice to the Forlorn and Desperate”. In it you will find that when compared to others, your problems are few! Go to www.uncletm.com
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